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"I got a 1* review over the weekend, and it was from a blank profile with a username I'm not familiar with on [review platform]. I don't know how he's read the book and it's not verified either, but it says he 'went in riveted' but ultimately, he came away ''somewhat disappointed'."
I remember writing that in my journal on May 20th 2024 and feeling somewhat confused how that equated to a 1* rating overall. I'd have hoped for a riveting start but a disappointing ending, maybe a 2-3* would have been more appropriate and less of a kick to my average on Amazon. However, each to their own...
This went in my 'success' journal. It isn't really about success but progress, documenting everything* about the re-release of my series 'The Chronicles of Pandora' to see just how far I've come, what I have achieved, and what I've survived.
I hope it helps you (or at the very least entertains you!). Perhaps you can prepare for or completely avoid the mistakes I made.
*Yes, these entries are real, but I've edited out some of the more personal and private information for obvious reasons. I hope you understand! I will also not mention the names of people, companies or shops I've encountered in a negative way. It's only my experience, so it would be unfair of me to name them when others may have had a fantastic experience.
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20/05/2024 - Thankfully this 1* didn't upset me, merely left me a bit puzzled. So I turned to my tarot cards, which I often do when I need a bit of comfort from the universe. I studied them when writing Elemental Ascension, and found the act of studying each card and its meaning left me asking personal and profound questions of myself, allowing me to develop and better my mental health. Do I believe they predict the past/future? I'm not convinced, but I love how they make me think and feel.
This deck of cards was called 'Into the Lonely Woods; by Lucy Cavendish. She wrote, "Call back to yourself the wondering parts of your mind and soul that departed when they knew others could not understand them." - That's from Pg 46, and I'd encourage you to check this out (there's a deck of cards with a guidebook, but also a hardback book available).
I fell in love with that quote because it perfectly describes what it's like to be an independent author, or I'm sure to have any creative side hustle. "Today I've been feeling alone. Alone enough that I've scheduled some time to actually be alone, including to write and to simply be. I feel like I am fighting this battle to be something all by myself which I understand because only I can do this... I feel like I have let down my 18-y/o self; I'm not the person I dreamed I would be. I feel like all the luck and the opportunities, the money and the stability goes to the wrong people. I've been trying, but even targeted ads aren't working - a process that on the surface seems to work for everyone else... I just don't understand why I have different rules, like Truman, being kept in one set of circumstances for the entertainment of others. I feel like my lack of sales right now is orchestrated or something, though I keep fighting."
I'm sad re-reading this entry, because sometimes it does feel a bit like the world is against you despite everything you're doing or trying. Truman refers to The Truman Show by the way, the movie starring Jim Carrey. It's a fantastic movie - please go watch it and you'll understand what I mean by things being orchestrated against you.
I then go on to write something even I'm stunned to read back, because I have no idea where it came from. This is the power of the written word, and being able to reflect.
"I have so much to say. So much to teach. The written word is a saviour, a lifeline in many forms. At least, it is for me. And the pen and paper are an ancient set of tools readily available. I document this way to try to free myself from restraints. Some I cannot see or feel until I wriggle around a little. There is power and courage in the space between the nib and the page. I capture it when I feel brave enough to try to reach out to my soul - the page is the mirror, and often I am the only one able to unravel a thought or an emotion when I wield the pen and embrace silence. It does not criticise or humiliate. It keeps secrets, forces me to uncover truths however tempting darkness may be, and though it helps me to project who I am, it acts as a beacon to call me back to myself... All that I need is within me. All the success, appreciation and approval for every creative venture I embark upon is behind my pen."
I was fed up of allowing my 'success' to be in someone else's hands. Only because that is where I was placing it, instead of realising that only I could steer this ship. I wanted to get every negative thought out on the page to leave room for only the positive, motivational, and inspirational thoughts. "Get out of my head, and make room for the light." So I made a list of everything 'bad' I could ever say to myself or others could say to me when it came to my writing. And by 'bad', I don't mean cruel or hurtful or depressing. Just things I didn't want to have to encounter, like "People don't like my book; it gets bad reviews". Or, "I wasn't prepared for that; I didn't learn enough and I jumped in too soon."
The logic? If it has already been said and I've seen it on paper, nothing will shock me, nothing will hurt me. I can simply shrug it off and say 'been there, thought that, means nothing to me'. It takes away its power.
I'm going to write a bit of a disclaimer here. This kind of activity is not for everybody. If you keep a journal regularly or have been to therapy, you may have done something like this before (and that is NOT what I did here - it's a separate kind of list. The negative points were NOT personal and they were NOT intended to make me cry or make me dislike myself - it was focused only on my writing and the frustrations around it). Journaling can generate emotions, and as I am not a therapist, I do NOT suggest you sit and list lots of negative things about you and your work. My attempt was to clear the air of what I thought might be blocking the positive.
My list included things I haven't ever actually said to myself (or thought), but may do in the future, or may have said to me. It was a prediction in a way, a shield I could build and allow other people's arrows to ping off and disappear. Doesn't matter if you tell me you don't like my book - I expected somebody wouldn't at some point because I can't and shouldn't try to please everyone. So there. That kind of thing.
I won't be listing what I wrote here because it's not a task I want to encourage. If anything, do the opposite! Write down all the amazing things about your work and what people could say that brings you joy and fills you with pride. You work hard. You love what you do. You speak passionately about it. You sat and read a boring blog by an indie author complaining about being an indie author and you got this far! Yey!
I will, however, share five things that may resonate with 'imposter syndrome' in writers, which is basically what this whole series of blog posts is about! I'm sure these appear on lists often.
"I'm not any good at this." or the question "Am I really any good at this?" (Yes, you are.)
"I don't have the money to invest in this." (No problem, you don't need any.)
"I'm not talented enough." (Talent is down to personal taste. You can't please everyone. For every reader that doesn't think there's talent there, two more might think you're the best author they have ever read, and they tell all their friends. It's subjective.)
"I'm not knowledgeable enough." (Yet. You can learn. You probably know more than you think you do.)
"I will never be famous." (To one little girl reading your book under the covers because she's absolutely hooked, you're probably a super star. That's the sort of fame you want).
Bet these are familiar? There is always room for growth. And you can always learn more, discover more, meet new people etc. And you do not need to invest a lot of money to self-publish a book. Really. If you are just starting out, these thoughts are normal and I'm sure every writer will agree we all doubt our talent and whether anyone will know of our work in the future. But it's early days. There's a long way to go yet and trust me when I tell you that mistakes and things that seem to hold you back will turn out to be blessings.
After I got all of that out of my system and felt a bit sorry for myself for 24-hours (and a bit angry at the world when they had nothing against me!), I battled on over the next few days, and by the 27th May 2024, I documented in my journal that I'd had 5 random sales on the Hoopla platform, and I had no idea how or why they came about, but they made me happy. I uploaded some documents to KDP for my OHAWF pre-order, and that made me happy. I noticed my books were getting some nice comments on Goodreads with 47 people 'wanting to read' TSAW and a 4.0 star average. This made me happy!
By the 29th May 2024, I had emailed lots more groups about my talks and workshops. All I wanted to do was inspire others and help them to find their own paths to success by this point. I joined some more Facebook groups to learn what others were doing and to share some links to my book on the ones that allowed self-promotion. And, I noticed Amazon had a few of my books on sale, so I was able to share those links to see if anyone fancied grabbing a bargain. Perhaps some of those people that had marked TSAW as a 'want to read'? They might be tempted!
List or no list, I remind myself every day that I'm doing my absolute best. Even when that day I actually haven't written anything or emailed anyone - other things have taken priority, and it's important to acknowledge that's OK.
Please stick with me for the 5th instalment in this series (and the final one that covers May 2024) coming soon...
Rach x
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